confused

After last night, I have so many questions and not enough answers. Answers that I can only know myself with experience. And the thing is, I'm too terrified to really bother trying to experiment. Straight? Bi? Pan-sexual? Can you really only love a person of a certain gender?

I think I need to explain more because I'm being too vague, but please bare with me and all of the question marks. 

Recently, I have come to the realization that I actually like dancing, but only after a few shots because it's the only way to get me to stop over-thinking things and not give a shit about how I look on the dance floor. And according to Sel, I actually don't look as awkward as I feel.

Dancing by myself. Not a single fuck is given. Dancing with a girl. Soooooo much more comfortable and fun. Because honestly, most interactions with the opposite species gender petrifies me. I don't know what it is about interacting with a cute guy that sends me running in the opposite direction. I like guys (at least I think I do?). I know a cute guy when I see one, but I can never bring myself to do anything about it (how do other girls do it?). How are you supposed to feel when you're dancing with a guy? When you're talking to a cute guy? Because for me, it's something very similar to riding a roller coaster at top speed that could derail at any minute and send me flying into the air, except, in reality, I have both feet on the ground. None of that cutesy shit of having butterflies in my stomach. More like the twisting agony of giving birth... I might have exaggerated just a little, but you get my point. My nerves crush me with so much anxiety that the only way I feel better is when I run away from them. Because, sadly, that's what I always do best. I run away from people.

But being around other girls is just so much more comfortable. It's familiar. I don't feel so nervous. So here's the weird thing. I danced with a guy. And it wasn't that bad. In the middle of it, I kind of freaked out though. I think it's because the idea of a guy actually being attracted to me, wanting to dance with me, freaks me out. So for a while, a comforting thought in my head that just randomly popped up was, "maybe (hopefully?) he's gay. Whew. Now I can dance normally."

And he's a really good dancer. Too good. Dancing with him, I wanted to look like this
 

But I actually felt I looked like this



All in all though, it was a fun and interesting night. I think I just need to find the courage (without the help of alcohol) to connect with people without the fear of rejection because that's probably why I stay away from guys. I need to stop living inside of my head. It gets lonely sometimes.

xoxo,

A

P.S. We're not usually this boy-crazy. I swear. 

I just wanna say "you're mine"

hi babes,

I'm Ang, the Princess Of China coldplay likes to sing about. 

Just so you know: I am not typically as boy-crazy as I am about to be in this post, but honestly

WTF is up with the male species? 

Why are you all so afraid of commitment?

Last night I had a "Study Date" with my future ex-boyfriend Jake

It was so romatical,
I should not have been surprised when he leaned in for the kiss at 3am; 
With heavy eyes and an even heavier heart. 
Maybe I should have just let him kiss me in order to avoid waking up with this drowning disappointment.
I had seen Jake around freshman year, 
But I just met him last month after he added, messaged, and quickly proceeded to ask me to dinner. I know I know, what a bold fellow this Jake is. 
So confident and self-assured, so damn full of himself. 

Last night was the first time Jake and I had direct physical contact (hugs are always the exception)

I was in his suite from 8pm - 3am        

After the first three hours of Chinese, Hot Chocolate, and Drake

I found myself resting my head on his shoulder listening to the @theweeknd 

Gradually, I felt his body caving in

Welcoming me to lay my torso on his left side 

It was in this position that he offered me his right palm

Asking for my hand in his

Entwined

.

Entangled 

.

Enchanted

.

We didn't leave this position for another hour

Simply resting on one another, with synchronized breaths.

Speaking 

     Volumes 

 

         Without ever

                          Saying a word

He might not have realized, but with his hands, he was dancing away with my heart.


ugh. There was also some of this:

and this:

  

Is he the reason why I tossed and turned last night? 

ABSOLUTELY.

Why?

Because he fucking tried to kiss me
And I refused.
Well,
I don't hook up.

If he's going to be kissing me - it has to be only me.
I am not trying to DTR
I don't even want us to be a relationship
I just want to be exclusive
Exclusivity, that is all

But he freaked out and thought I wanted to be gf 
and started telling me about how he's "non-committed" 
because he got his heart broken after being in a 2 year super serious relationship with someone
which I understand...


but like....

why can't he just agree to be only mine for these remaining months?
 (Oh did I forgot to mention he's a senior and I'm a sophomore)

why can't he just agree to be only mine?

lie to me
I'll take what I can get . 

Me Last Night: 

   I don't wanna mess this thing up, I don't wanna push too far....

   

Me Right Now:

 If you let me, here's what I'll do.... I'll Take Care Of You.

At least I gave him something that will haunt him when I'm not around. 

xoxo, 

Ms Angie Segura

Introduction to Suite K

Coming at you LIVE is Suite K. Cue the music that pretty much describes our lives as four crazy college girls living together. AKA Ke$ha.

From yours sincerely, Aly.

Now on the other hand, I prefer something more 90's (actually early 2000's) with a philosophical meaning as our theme song for our first post. AKA cue in Britney Spears. She can do no wrong, except when she shaved her hair. But let's move on from the painful memories. Love, Blair.

So I do believe a little introduction is in order. As you can guess, we are four college students who happens to live in the same suite. And let us assure you, our lives could be a MTV show. (Cribs or Keeping up with the Karshashians? You decide. -Jane) Not joking...

I will start off by introducing Aly.

She's basically a Cali girl, hailed from the land of beautiful sunny weather and delicious food. She's a food addict so any guys who might be interested in her, you better learn how to cook, pronto. #ramenworkstoo Currently a Neuroscience major (so she's a genius) with a crazy schedule who survives on little sleep (which I have no idea on how she survives. Sometimes I do wonder if she's like a vampire from Twilight). #icansleepwhenimdead But despite her busy life, she's always been there. With food. To light up your day. Whoever reading this, you have my permission to "aww". 

Also, if she decides to drop out of college, she always have Plan B: Become a model. (HAHA no. stop being modest. it doesn't suit you) Because those legs can go for miles. #goodgenes Or start a bakery. Cause her cupcakes are work of arts.

Now onto Jane.

I know she has a plain name but she's anything but. 

For starters, she's a red head. And I mean a gorgeous burst of red curls tumbling from the top of her head. 'Nough said. Like the muses of the Pre-Raphaelite paintings. Look at that hair.

#selfie
Did you know she's been working out in the mornings? That's dedication right there.. 
Wow. In the mornings?! No wonder. #datass (no omg)
 I know. But moving along, she's also a neuroscience major with an obsession over Scandal, American Horror Story and House of Cards. #whatwouldoliviapopedo (who needs a boyfriend when you have Netflix?!) #praise #netflixforlyfe (But Netflix doesn't have a tongue sweetie)
She's also into skulls, the color purple, and generally anything that is creepy (in a cool way of course). (I'm basically a weirdo.)
P.S. she's single again! Whoo. Single and Ready to mingle... RAWR! Here's to a better sex life. cheers. Cause Chris wasn't cutting it. (PREACH)
Thank goodness that's over. So to any edgy guys (preferably with piercings and tattoos) with great oral techniques, please submit your application to this blog! We look forward to reviewing you and reading your application. A demonstration is mandatory (emphasis on the tongue) ;)

And then there's Blair from NYC. The life of the party wherever she goes. And possibly even more stylish than Blair Waldorf. With a trail of guys ALWAYS following loyally behind her in the hopes of getting some. (LIES!!!!!!) But, alas, there can only be one Chuck. (Sorry Aly. Sadly, no one can amount up to Ed Westwick playing Chuck Bass. That intense glare. Swoon.) This gif is extremely distracting.

She's a psychology major, which means that she has the gift of reading into your SOUL. Watch out, boys- she sees right through you! (I CAN READ MINDS.. jk.)Need help psychoanalyzing someone? Call Blair. She got you. She's also INCREDIBLY resourceful because she does her due diligence and researches. (She's the one who introduced us to the very informative video on how to give a variety of different handjobs. Thanks, girl! She's also had a lot of practice with ATM, aka Andrew. Buuut that's a whole other story) On the same note of research, she's obsessed about Buzzfeed, which is great because they're always entertaining articles. 
 
 And then there's Angie, our Cali princess (WHOO CALI) (like Barbie, only way cuter). This girl is an amazing dancer (cue Beyonce) and let me tell you, the boys are LINING UP (She's even currently tempting Jesus) #prayforjesus #hisholinesscantsavehim .Plus she makes the best flan in the world, so what's not to love? But there's also brains with all that beauty- if sociology's your thing, look no further than Ang! Last time I checked, Barbie didn't read Tolstoy. She's also the inventor of the swag quotient- basically the special ingredient for a hot guy. She looooves Demi Lovato and Lea Michele. P.S. She's going to join the FBI so watch out guys. Unfortunately, she couldn't be here since she's out for the weekend. But hopefully you'll get to meet her soon.

So shall we end this first post? Don't worry, there's more to come!
Cue in the music.

 xoxo

 Suite  K